Funny Quotes

Funny Quotes

The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
– E. Joseph Cossman
She’s too young for Medicare and too old for me to care.
– Anonymous
Gray hair is God’s graffiti.
I lived in Miami for a while, in a section with a lot of really old people. The average age in my apartment house was dead.
– Gabe Kaplan
Good Americans, when they die, go to Paris.
– T. G. Appleton
We had a very successful trip to Russia we got back.
– Bob Hope
Enjoy life. Think of all the women who passed up dessert on the Titanic.
– Anonymous
Everybody should believe in something; I believe I’ll have another drink.
– Anonymous
I know lots more old drunks than old doctors.
– Joe E. Lewis
doctor said I look like a million dollars – green and wrinkled.
– Red Skelton
Condoms aren’t completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one . . . and got hit by a bus.
– Bob Rubin
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill, he gave me six months more.
– Walter Mattbau
I hope you live to be as old as your jokes.
– Anonymous
My wife is the most wonderful woman in the world, and that’s not just my opinion – it’s hers.
– Anonymous
she: Before we got married, you told me you were well-off. he: I was, and I didn’t know it.
– Jacob Braude
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
– Michel de Montaigne
Why did God make man before he made woman? Because he didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
– Anonymous
The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
– E. Joseph Cossman
She’s too young for Medicare and too old for me to care.
– Anonymous
Gray hair is God’s graffiti.
– Bill Cosby
I lived in Miami for a while, in a section with a lot of really old people. The average age in my apartment house was dead.
– Gabe Kaplan
Good Americans, when they die, go to Paris.
– T. G. Appleton
Enjoy life. Think of all the women who passed up dessert on the Titanic.
– Anonymous
Everybody should believe in something; I believe I’ll have another drink.
– Anonymous
I know lots more old drunks than old doctors.
– Joe E. Lewis
I’m a one-drink woman, two at the most, three I’m under the table, four I’m under the host.
– Anonymous
My doctor said I look like a million dollars – green and wrinkled.
– Red Skelton
Condoms aren’t completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one . . . and got hit by a bus.
– Bob Rubin
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill, he gave me six months more.
– Walter Mattbau
I can’t believe that out of a hundred thousand sperm, you were the quickest.
– Steven Pearl
I hope you live to be as old as your jokes.
– Anonymous
My wife is the most wonderful woman in the world, and that’s not just my opinion – it’s hers.
– Anonymous
Before we got married, you told me you were well-off. he: I was, and I didn’t know it.
– Jacob Braude
good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
– Michel de Montaigne
did God make man before he made woman? Because he didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
– Anonymous
The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
– E. Joseph Cossman
She’s too young for Medicare and too old for me to care.
– Anonymous
Gray hair is God’s graffiti.
– Bill Cosby
I lived in Miami for a while, in a section with a lot of really old people. The average age in my apartment house was dead.
– Gabe Kaplan
Good Americans, when they die, go to Paris.
– T. G. Appleton
We had a very successful trip to Russia we got back.
– Bob Hope
Everybody should believe in something; I believe I’ll have another drink.
– Anonymous
I know lots more old drunks than old doctors.
– Joe E. Lewis
I’m a one-drink woman, two at the most, three I’m under the table, four I’m under the host.
– Anonymous
My doctor said I look like a million dollars – green and wrinkled.
– Red Skelton
Aren’t completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one . . . and got hit by a bus.
– Bob Rubin
doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill, he gave me six months more.
– Walter Mattbau
I can’t believe that out of a hundred thousand sperm, you were the quickest.
– Steven Pearl
I hope you live to be as old as your jokes.
– Anonymous
My wife is the most wonderful woman in the world, and that’s not just my opinion – it’s hers.
– Anonymous
she: Before we got married, you told me you were well-off. he: I was, and I didn’t know it.
– Jacob Braude
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
– Michel de Montaigne
did God make man before he made woman? Because he didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
– Anonymous
The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
– E. Joseph Cossman
She’s too young for Medicare and too old for me to care.
– Anonymous
Gray hair is God’s graffiti.
– Bill Cosby
I lived in Miami for a while, in a section with a lot of really old people. The average age in my apartment house was dead.
– Gabe Kaplan
had a very successful trip to Russia we got back.
– Bob Hope
Enjoy life. Think of all the women who passed up dessert on the Titanic.
– Anonymous
Everybody should believe in something; I believe I’ll have another drink.
– Anonymous
I know lots more old drunks than old doctors.
– Joe E. Lewis
a one-drink woman, two at the most, three I’m under the table, four I’m under the host.
– Anonymous
My doctor said I look like a million dollars – green and wrinkled.
– Red Skelton
Condoms aren’t completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one . . . and got hit by a bus.
– Bob Rubin
doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill, he gave me six months more.
– Walter Mattbau
I can’t believe that out of a hundred thousand sperm, you were the quickest.
– Steven Pearl
I hope you live to be as old as your jokes.
– Anonymous
My wife is the most wonderful woman in the world, and that’s not just my opinion – it’s hers.
– Anonymous
she: Before we got married, you told me you were well-off. he: I was, and I didn’t know it.
– Jacob Braude
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
– Michel de Montaigne
Why did God make man before he made woman? Because he didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
– Anonymous
The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
– E. Joseph Cossman
She’s too young for Medicare and too old for me to care.
– Anonymous
Gray hair is God’s graffiti.
– Bill Cosby
I lived in Miami for a while, in a section with a lot of really old people. The average age in my apartment house was dead.
– Gabe Kaplan
Good Americans, when they die, go to Paris.
– T. G. Appleton
We had a very successful trip to Russia we got back.
– Bob Hope
Enjoy life. Think of all the women who passed up dessert on the Titanic.
– Anonymous
Everybody should believe in something; I believe I’ll have another drink.
– Anonymous
I know lots more old drunks than old doctors.
– Joe E. Lewis
I’m a one-drink woman, two at the most, three I’m under the table, four I’m under the host.
– Anonymous
doctor said I look like a million dollars – green and wrinkled.
– Red Skelton
Condoms aren’t completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one . . . and got hit by a bus.
– Bob Rubin
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill, he gave me six months more.
– Walter Mattbau
I can’t believe that out of a hundred thousand sperm, you were the quickest.
– Steven Pearl
I hope you live to be as old as your jokes.
– Anonymous
My wife is the most wonderful woman in the world, and that’s not just my opinion – it’s hers.
– Anonymous
she: Before we got married, you told me you were well-off. he: I was, and I didn’t know it.
– Jacob Braude
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
– Michel de Montaigne
Why did God make man before he made woman? Because he didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
– Anonymous
The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
– E. Joseph Cossman
She’s too young for Medicare and too old for me to care.
– Anonymous
Gray hair is God’s graffiti.
– Bill Cosby
I lived in Miami for a while, in a section with a lot of really old people. The average age in my apartment house was dead.
– Gabe Kaplan
Good Americans, when they die, go to Paris.
– T. G. Appleton
We had a very successful trip to Russia we got back.
– Bob Hope
Enjoy life. Think of all the women who passed up dessert on the Titanic.
– Anonymous
Everybody should believe in something; I believe I’ll have another drink.
– Anonymous
I know lots more old drunks than old doctors.
– Joe E. Lewis
I’m a one-drink woman, two at the most, three I’m under the table, four I’m under the host.
– Anonymous
My doctor said I look like a million dollars – green and wrinkled.
– Red Skelton
Condoms aren’t completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one . . . and got hit by a bus.
– Bob Rubin
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill, he gave me six months more.
– Walter Mattbau
I can’t believe that out of a hundred thousand sperm, you were the quickest.
– Steven Pearl
I hope you live to be as old as your jokes.
– Anonymous
My wife is the most wonderful woman in the world, and that’s not just my opinion – it’s hers.
– Anonymous
Before we got married, you told me you were well-off. he: I was, and I didn’t know it.
– Jacob Braude
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
– Michel de Montaigne
Why did God make man before he made woman? Because he didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
– Anonymous
The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
– E. Joseph Cossman
She’s too young for Medicare and too old for me to care.
– Anonymous
Gray hair is God’s graffiti.
– Bill Cosby
I lived in Miami for a while, in a section with a lot of really old people. The average age in my apartment house was dead.
– Gabe Kaplan
Good Americans, when they die, go to Paris.
– T. G. Appleton
We had a very successful trip to Russia we got back.
– Bob Hope
Enjoy life. Think of all the women who passed up dessert on the Titanic.
– Anonymous
Everybody should believe in something; I believe I’ll have another drink.
– Anonymous
I know lots more old drunks than old doctors.
– Joe E. Lewis
I’m a one-drink woman, two at the most, three I’m under the table, four I’m under the host.
– Anonymous
My doctor said I look like a million dollars – green and wrinkled.
– Red Skelton
Condoms aren’t completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one . . . and got hit by a bus.
– Bob Rubin
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill, he gave me six months more.
– Walter Mattbau
I can’t believe that out of a hundred thousand sperm, you were the quickest.
– Steven Pearl
I hope you live to be as old as your jokes.
– Anonymous
My wife is the most wonderful woman in the world, and that’s not just my opinion – it’s hers.
– Anonymous
she: Before we got married, you told me you were well-off. he: I was, and I didn’t know it.
– Jacob Braude
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
– Michel de Montaigne
Why did God make man before he made woman? Because he didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
– Anonymous
The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
– E. Joseph Cossman
She’s too young for Medicare and too old for me to care.
– Anonymous
Gray hair is God’s graffiti.
– Bill Cosby
I lived in Miami for a while, in a section with a lot of really old people. The average age in my apartment house was dead.
– Gabe Kaplan
Good Americans, when they die, go to Paris.
– T. G. Appleton
We had a very successful trip to Russia we got back.
– Bob Hope
Enjoy life. Think of all the women who passed up dessert on the Titanic.
– Anonymous
Everybody should believe in something; I believe I’ll have another drink.
– Anonymous
I know lots more old drunks than old doctors.
– Joe E. Lewis
I’m a one-drink woman, two at the most, three I’m under the table, four I’m under the host.
– Anonymous
My doctor said I look like a million dollars – green and wrinkled.
– Red Skelton
Condoms aren’t completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one . . . and got hit by a bus.
– Bob Rubin
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill, he gave me six months more.
– Walter Mattbau
I can’t believe that out of a hundred thousand sperm, you were the quickest.
– Steven Pearl
I hope you live to be as old as your jokes.
– Anonymous
My wife is the most wonderful woman in the world, and that’s not just my opinion – it’s hers.
– Anonymous
she: Before we got married, you told me you were well-off. he: I was, and I didn’t know it.
– Jacob Braude
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
– Michel de Montaigne
Why did God make man before he made woman? Because he didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
– Anonymous

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